Before Noon: I woke up today feeling exhausted, this is because of the fact that I was up till 4am writing a paper. It was somehow comforting to know that the procrastination part of me hasn’t changed although it did make my night a bit stressful. However I woke up in a good mood, I am excited to go home for the most part. There is of course this feeling in the pit of my stomach that wants me to stay. But I’ve never been the type of girl to ditch my family and friends for someone I hardly know so I am going to stick with that. It is making me extremely anxious though because of how much I want to stay. I just don’t know if it would be worth it.

I can imagine myself staying then waking up in the morning and feeling great only to start second guessing what anything means and eventually just hate how I feel later in the day. This way I just get really anxious tonight, but I’m with my family. Then I don’t have to worry about feeling stupid or anything of that nature. My biggest concern is that I’m not enough, or the thought of me isn’t enough rather. I don’t stray because I have feelings but how can I be sure that he feels the same way. He could take someone else home tonight because I’m not there. That’s what makes me the most anxious and that is what will be bothering me tonight and making me wish that I had stayed here.

But I can’t shape my life around someone else, that isn’t healthy. Other than the feeling of anxiousness I feel perfectly fine. I just need to get some sleep and I think that tonight will be a very needed escape.