I’m still feeling down today. I can’t stop thinking about my actions this weekend. I need to reevaluate how I act towards the people around me when I’m drinking and even more so I need to not drink as much. I blacked out and have no clue what I said or why I was saying it. Looking at my text conversation was devastating because it wasn’t me at all. I said things that I know I shouldn’t have said and I was annoying to even myself. My biggest issue is that I don’t know how to make it better. Or if I can for that matter. I want this to just be over but I don’t even know how to do that. Perhaps that’s the biggest issue I don’t know how to handle this stupidity of mine.

On top of that I have school work piling up and I’m not sure how to handle that either, but I’m hoping that as I continue seeing a councilor they will help me realize the things that I might be missing. I need someone to guide me in the right direction at this point because I’m so not myself that I don’t know how to be right now. Maybe we’ll get somewhere and make me feel a lot better. I don’t want to set up too many expectations though. That’s where my downfall is most times. I have way too many expectations and it gets me too ahead of myself. My only hope is that I can get some perspective and move on from there.

I found that being around an old friend was very helpful in making me feel okay. Which leads me to think even more that it is the fact that my entire life has been turned upside down by change that is making me feel so lost. Makes sense.